Hey everyone! I've decided to change blog sites. I'll be found at: blocinmotion.wordpress.com
I've found that it is easier to use and a change of scenery is always nice! I will not be posting here from now on, so all future posts will be found there. Apparently there is a way to send your livejournal posts to your wordpress blog but I'm not all that tech-savvy. It's been great posting here, I've met some amazing people who have posted some of the most thought provoking blogs ever! You guys are awesome!

...is the song playing at the moment on yet another hot day. My face is burned and the pool is always tempting. Tom is asleep upstairs in my room, my brother is probably already swimming. I'm sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons and listening to music. My brain is in some sort of sleep mode. No productive thoughts emerge as often as they used to. I suspect it's the weather.

The past week has given Melbourne the best (and long awaited) representation of summer time. The weather is nice, people can safely wear light clothing without the fear of being rained on and it's as if the city has relaxed since the new year. The beach is finally occupied by friends and families, restaurants are busier, the theaters have quietened down, it's great!

Today I'm meeting tom at his work (although don't be misled by this assumed scenario, he is not even working), then meeting with a new friend to have coffee. It's going to be hot today so I don't anticipate staying the city for too long. I'd rather spend a day indoors, sitting legs crossed in my underwear in front of an osculating fan.

Today has a good-feeling vibe resonating through the air, I hope it stays that way!

I haven't worked in about two weeks, my contract for work ran out and I'm not exactly sure I want to renew it. It's fun but the idea of something new is appealing. Alternatively, maybe if I'm not complaining about my current job I should settle for that rather than go somewhere else which could potentially rekindle my slowly fading hatred for the employees world.

Two hot days in a row, it's good, but bad. Good because these two days represent the summer of which we never had and bad because, well, it's just too hot for a Melbourne kind of summer. Yesterday, before the heat reached something between unbearable and torture, I walked to the post office to collect my tickets to anberlin. I'm seeing anberlin on a thursday night, then the day after I'm going to the Soundwave music festival to see them again (whilst seeing many other amazing bands). Two days in a row! Completely stoked.

I'm eagerly awaiting university to start again, to set a routine back into my life. I feel that I've been doing too much of nothing for far too long. And by doing nothing, that actually means video games, reading books, organizing bank accounts (sooo unbelievably tedious and boring) and slowly piecing together my grand holiday/ stay at London.

So we are 14 days into 2009, I haven't posted any resolutions or summaries of the previous year, I guess I was a fortnight too late. but I'll write a summarized version of my summary: This year I have three resolutions that I will try to stick by, one is to embrace differences, two is to apply myself in my work and three is to save enough money to book a flight, accommodation and have some spending money for my holiday (hopefully) next year. As for 2008, I said that 2007 was the hardest year... I was wrong. 2008 was the first year of university, the year my first relationship came about and the year a bucket load of buried family problems which rose to the surface. I had made friends, lost contact with others. I think I cried more (out of the never-ending flux of frustrations) than any other year. It was a trying year but I was glad i had it. I came out much stronger.

So happy new year for 14 days ago! I'm sure that 2009 will surely impose changes and challenges to our lives and I'm sure we're all strong enough to face them.

"I'm leaving you, are you happy?"

This was the only moment in my life where absolutely nothing mattered. The hardest blow I had to take. The largest state of disbelief. The only thing worse than watching you go is knowing you wouldn't fight for me. I don't know what I am to you. I don't know which words are empty and which are full. I don't know if being together is better than being apart right now.

It said "Being able to survive it... never meant that it was ok."

www.postsecret.com

I haven't felt all that compelled to write something this week, a lot has happened but nothing really changes. I'm in a relationship (4 months strong) and it reconstructed my mindset to place it in front of all priorities. We nearly ended the relationship less than 100 hours ago, but I've found after using verbal constraint, halting the gush of cruel words and seemingly unavoidable problems, none of it mattered. Nothing is ever a problem unless you make it a problem.

Problems are inevitable, there can never be a problem free relationship. Between friends, family, lovers, everyone. So all that we can do is choose carefully which problems affect us most. Dispose all the trivial disputes and tackle the problems you feel like you can't confront alone. I have a fear of being old, in my deathbed and reflecting on my life finding only trivial problems that I clung onto so dearly and with such passion. Wasted passion. Wasted time. A complete waste. Why be miserable and hold onto a pointless dispute when you could share a moment of being happy? If we were conscious of this more often we would be happier people.

Less than 100 hours ago I said that someone deserved better than me. That I just wanted them to be happy because I felt that I was bringing them down. I realize now that I shouldn't think for the other person, I should tend to my own needs as well. If to love is to let something free then I will do that. But I was loving while pushing away, which is significantly different. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it goes. A timeless, well-known saying that rings true. I'm never going to get used to my relationship, I hope I never do. I hope it keeps me busy and gives me something to work on, something to laugh and cry about, something engraved with a spark. I hope it keeps going through highs and lows, and forever shared with the person I love.

My life is one long learning curve. I make mistakes. A lot. I have personal attributes that I try to alter and amend. I'm proud of myself. There are times when I'm not, but I am. I'm trying.

www.twitter.com/chriskicks

something so simple, is so addictive.

I had to settle for something, I thought. My planless day was not so planless anymore. The new arragements beckoned my feet to move faster. I walked into a narrow corridor-esque cafe. One wall covered in black tiles and a row of rectangle mirrors. The concrete floor painted a sea water blue. The black tiles absorbed this color into their own squares and gave the room a bathroom feeling. Above was a painful attempt of modern art that took the form of various boards across the ceiling with various tiger and leopard patterns.

I moved to the bar, opposite the bathroom wall, and ordered a mocha. I pulled out a book from my bag and consumed myself in it. At peace. Finally. This is all I wanted to do. Sit, be left alone and drink some cheap coffee (or mocha). Why is solitude so concerning to people? I'm an alone kind of guy. I like to people watch, I like to guess their achievements as they go by. I like to think, just think and think and get no where. I like the abysmal conversations I spin in my mind that go so far and yet make full circles. I like writing and reading in public places. I like it when other people do it. Since when was a day alone a concern for anyone? It was my personal approach to meditation.

A small boy with a box bigger than his body in his hands walks in. He prepares himself for bad news, he's selling lollies. The barista asks the staff if anyone is interested in purchasing a bag. I stared at the poor boy. Two days until christmas, no present in his hands, just box of hope to fill with some money. I didn't care what the cause was, if I was sucker, I was a sucker. I waved my hand to call him over. Bought a bag and wished him a merry christmas.

What a sad, sad season for so many people. So much hope to receive and not enough love to give. I flipped over the bag where a sticker revealed that the cause was for the benefit of the intellectually disabled. So to the people who are putting their yuletide hopes into these small plastic bags filled with colorful confectioneries, I wish you a merry christmas and next time I see you, I hope my wallet is big enough to buy three more bags.

Still so many things that we don't know,
We take them with a glass of Pinot Grigio,
And the things that never stay the same,
Are just like the fights off Hardware Lane.

Made my way as a squeaking cog,
To a lonely heart-shaped machine,
Trying to keep the motor going,
Trying to prove to be a necessity.

I'm fighting for anything but a war, I want to see this through
I won't believe in anything like the way that I'm believing in you.

In your book of love, I know you're ahead of your story,
But I know there are chapters about me and it's the ending that keeps me going,
If you take my hand, and act like we're constantly winning,
Let's keep that attitude up, and we'll finally beat this city.

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” Helen Keller.

- Visit all places on the monopoly board in London
- Go to the Bauhaus Cafe in Seattle
- Teach English in Japan
- Drive down the autobahn in Germany
- Spend a sleepless night in Amsterdam
- Aid/ visit a third world country

I've been struggling to write even the most simple blogs lately and I kept giving up once I start. Let's write about love, I say, my relationship, let's write about the poor guy on the street, maybe someone will learn something if I write about the economy. All of those topics are very insightful but they are not the real issues revolving around in my head at the moment. Perhaps I distracted myself with thoughts of other things to avoid deeper issues, or maybe I have a hard time being honest, not to other people, but to myself. So instead of feeding people (who for some reason appreciate the things I write, I don't know how you guys stay interested), I feel like this blog is for me. This is for reference and a constant reminder not to lead a life of false pretenses, socioeconomic expectations and proxy ambitions.

Some things are known to have a 'way' in life. The 'way' things are. And because these things are expected to be that way, I'm expected to be a certain way too. I'm sorry to disappoint the social expectations of the world but I take pride in not following a lot of these trends: having sex with someone I didn't care about, never taking a drug, embracing monogamy, wearing the clothes that I felt comfortable in, appreciating underrated music and probably others that I can't think of right now.

I'm tired of people telling me how to act, or even asking me why I act unlike my stereotypes. After repeatedly being hammered by these shallow observations it makes me wonder why I'm not a louder personality, who wears less clothes, listens to more commercial music, smokes a deck a day and fornicates in toilet cubicles. I've received the worst reactions when people ask me about my sex-life. I'm guilty of waiting for someone, I didn't throw myself at the thousand opportunities I had (and believe me they are in the thousands) to bed someone and throw my experiences away.

I thoroughly believe in living for the moment, forgetting about the consequences of tomorrow and to treat each day like it's my last. But I also have morals. Just because I have the chance to have sex simultaneously with two other people (no matter how great it feels), just because people now say that it's ok to use sex as a pass time activity, doesn't mean I do it. I have morals and it's sickening that these kind of experiences are expected of me and worse, at such a young age.

I'm not going to lie, I've had the bitter taste after sexual contact with the flooding thoughts of: 'was it worth it', 'why do I feel empty' and 'this person means nothing to me'. I feed temptation to find that I'm not actually fulfilling a need for myself but rather having my innocence sapped and leaving me hollow inside. I don't have a superman complex, I'm not perfect and I'm okay with that. I have desires and lust for certain things, but I know I can help what I do by advocating altruism. We do have the ability to think and to act, but we don't always do things in that order. But at least I can say I try.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world", a quote by Ghandi, a quote I live by. I used to be so proud to endorse this quote but over the course of the year the words slowly bent and warped to bring a different meaning, something like: "Dont change, be like the world". After being drilled over and over with the same opinions, standards and expectations by a group of people, their words have a way of falling out of your own mouth eventually. I start to think like them, I have the desire to be desired, to dress in an impressing fashion, to have certain opinions on certain things. This is a common form of influence and probably the strongest. It's true when people say that being around better people makes you a better person. That doesn't mean avoid homeless people or don't choose to be friends with someone who might take a recreational drug here and there. It means that if you suffocate yourself long enough with other peoples thoughts, there is a high chance that their thoughts will be your thoughts after a while.

Finally, I'm tired of people telling me I'm just 19. I know what I am. People can say I'm young but no one ever explains themselves. I honestly believe that there are people younger than me (who are much more knowledgeable and mature) who can outwit people a decade older than them. Age has proven to be nothing significant. I know with age comes experience, but so to comes ignorance. People use their age to disregard the thoughts and experiences of other people just because of their age. It's hypocritical and it is a refusal on poor bases. Don't let anyone disregard you because of your age. You know, it's good to feel young no matter how old you are. We might be perceived as a lazy generation but there are people as young as twelve who invent things that the world is using today. It is so important to never stop learning, not in the text book sense, but in the worldly sense. Eat foreign foods, with foreign utensils, watch a black and white film, listen to a new genre of music, write a story, learn some new words and build your vocabulary, go somewhere you've never been, all of these things help us learn and understand our world better. The biggest tragedy I see are older people who feel old enough to know enough and grow older being ignorant and using their age as a valid excuse for being wise. Wisdom is all around, it is shared. No one knows everything. Who can honestly say "you'll know when you're older" or "you don't know" when quite possibly they don't know themselves.

I'm sorry that all of this is so disjointed, but I've finally got some things off my chest. If you read this please comment your thoughts, a quote, your own piece on how you see yourself or ANYTHING! I'd love more than anything to read what you have to say, anything at all.

Firstly I just want to let this little rant about my relationship out and then I'll talk about my very first thanksgiving experience. Sometimes it feels like I'm missing the point when I start to focus too much on making it work or taking it seriously when I should be having fun and enjoying the persons company. We all get worried about the things we cant predict. I don't know what's going to happen to us, I don't know if we will be happy together or if we will fall apart. But I know that worrying about it ruins the present moment completely.

OK, thanksgiving was great! It was a small group of us around the table eating some amazing turkey. I had a little too much wine, lots of meat and a melted cheesecake. I sat there feeling pretty astounded at the state of my life. I've managed to meet amazing people, form unbreakable ties and go to places I never imagined I would go. This year is coming to a close and what a year it has been! There was nothing predictable about it. The good and bad, the tough and tougher situations that we all somehow get out of. It's been a crazy year and the next one is about to start with new challenges and memories to be made, people to meet and maybe people to say goodbye to. We'll just wait and see.

Today went well, since I've used a cash register before I was two steps ahead of everyone else and finished the day an hour early! The highlight of my day however (despite walking into David Jones, gosh that place is amazing in so many ways!) was when I brushed past my favourite youtube celebrity!

His name is Tom but he is better known as Frezned, he is from Geelong (which is out of Melbourne) and he writes weekly columns for a Geelong paper that can also be read on the internet. I find him hilarious and he is definitely my kind of comedy. So walking past him today was an honor!

Second blog is up for Alex Onprest's journal! Check it out at http://alexonprest.livejournal.com

I'm not sure if I should make the blogs longer just yet... not to mention there is no real direction in the story yet other than Alex's thoughts.

Christmas is really closing in and I'm starting to freak out a little. Still no real gift to give my partner. I have some varied ideas, hopefully one sticks, and works. God, Christmas is killing me this year!

I'll be working in the heart of the city tomorrow at Myer to learn how to properly use a cash register. It is a full day and by the end of it I expect to be unbelievably bored. Hopefully it goes fast. On the bright side, different atmosphere, it can't be too challenging and I love hanging around the city, holds great culture/ multiculture. I might have dumplings for lunch. Gosh, I love those things.

I am so sure that I am the worst partner ever. My partner has a knack for making me feel very ordinary, he's good at everything and it makes me feel like a lump of crud. So, Christmas is coming and he's very excited about the gift he is going to give me. Honestly, items don't mean much to me, I find diamonds synonymous with broken glass, but the fact that he is looking forward to my reaction doubts my capabilities of being a near-decent boyfriend. I feel this way simply because I have no idea what to get him. What the heck are you meant to get someone who barely opens up, only expresses his love for food and declines the notion of buying him a cookbook!? I'm doomed! Doomed, doomed, doomed. With 5 weeks and counting, I need something, anything decent to give him and I am struggling to do even that! The fact that I am poor doesn't assist my situation at all either. I'm not ready for Christmas, I need help, I don't know where or who to go to. I'm doomed.

This will be the draft of my novel, it's more fun writing it this way. ALL of the content is subject to change when the final product is ready. There will be one new blog a week.

Meet Alex Onprest: http://alexonprest.livejournal.com

There is nothing special about this method, but for those who are tired of watching your same mondays turn into similar tuesdays, for those who look forward to change and don't see it coming, this may be for you. It's beyond simple, all that is required is $50 and an envelope. Keep the envelope somewhere save, even hidden. Each week put $50 dollars inside and save it. Let it be the money that will be spent on some drastic. A holiday, a car, a brand new electric guitar, the bond to your new home. Each week I look in that envelope and there is this huge smile on my face, I see the money growing, I see myself getting close to something, close to the change that I've been looking for. Sometimes I get excited and put a little bit more than I should inside, just to get that much closer to my dream.

Tomorrow I begin life as a retail worker. I will be working for virgin music selling CD's and hopefully getting bargains on all my favorite albums! I am more excited than my previous jobs, and I really really really hope that this one sticks. Music is a passion of mine and if I can express my love for music to other people everyday that would be a dream come true. I'm sure there are downsides, maybe it will be a lot of work, maybe it's all straight forward, guess I'll find out when I'm there.

Tonight I feel like myself again. That's good. I'm happy. I hope you're happy too.

It's never too late to update! This week in the history of Chris, I re-learned the concept of life and death in my words. I sent a message to loved one that contained too much information and too little heart. I think it's always important, not to sugar coat, but to convey the proper emotion and attitude in my words. When saying too many things, whether it's true or not, if said so often, people start to believe it. If only we praised people more, maybe they'd have a little more self-esteem and hope in themselves. Sometimes people need to know that other people have faith in them, so they too can have faith in themselves.